Computer Engineering 

Nowhere Man He's a real UNIX Man

Sitting in his UNIX LAN

Making all his UNIX .plans

For nobody

He's as wiseas he can be

Programs in lex, yacc and C

UNIX Man, can you help me

At all?

UNIX Man, please listen

My printout is missin'

UNIX Man

The wo-o-o-orld is your 'at' command

Let It Be

When I find my code in tons of trouble,

Friends and colleagues come to me,

Speaking words of wisdom:

"Write in C."

As the deadline fast approaches,

And bugs are all that I can see,

Somewhere, someone whispers:

"Write in C."

Write in C, Write in C,

Write in C, oh, Write in C.

LOGO's dead and buried,

Write in C.

I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,

For science it worked flawlessly.

Try using it for graphics!

Write in C.

If you've just spent nearly 30 hours

Debugging some assembly,

Soon you will be glad to

Write in C.

Write in C, Write in C,

Write in C, yeah,Write in C.

Only wimps use BASIC.

Write in C.

Write in C, Write in C

Write in C, oh, Write in C.

Pascal won't quite cut it.

Write in C.

Write in C, Write in C,

Write in C, yeah, Write in C.

Don't even mention COBOL.

Write in C.

Electrical Humor

1. What did the light bulb say to the generator? "I really get a charge out of you!"
2. How do you pick out a dead battery from a pile of good ones? It's got no spark!
3. A man with a hearing problem walked into a power plant for a tour. He arrived late and had to join the rest of the group already on the tour. The man was reviewing what he had just told the group. He told the group that they wouldn't move on until they answered this one question: What is the unit of power equal to one joule per second called?" The man with the hearing problem hadn't heard the question very well, so he raised his hand and asked "What?"
4. Why do transformers hum? They don't know the words.
5. What did Godzilla say when he ate the nuclear power plant? "Shocking!"
6. Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!
7. What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? "You spark up my life!"
8. What did the baby light bulb say to the mommy light bulb? "I love you watts and watts!"
9. What many nude women is enough? "There is never enough!"
10. Why was the free electron so sad? It had nothing to be positive about!
11. Two atoms were walking down the street one day, when one of them exclaimed, "Oh, no I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" the other one asked. "Yes," replied the first one, "I'm positive."

Come and listen to a story bout a man named Jed,
A poor college kid barely kept his family fed,
But then one day he was talking with a recruiter,
He said "They'll pay ya big bucks if ya work on a computer,"
Unix that is ... CRT's ... Workstations;

Well the first thing ya know ol' Jed's an Engineer.
The kinfolk said "Jed move away from here",
They said "Arizona is the place ya ought to be",
So he bought some donuts and move to Ahwatukee,
Intel that is ... dry heat ... no amusement parks;

On his first day at work they stuck him in a cube,
Fed him more donuts and sat him at a tube,
They said "Your project's late but we know just what to do,
Instead of 40 hours, we'll work you fifty-two!",
OT that is ... Unpaid ... Mandatory;

The weeks rolled by and things were looking bad,
Some schedules slipped and some managers were mad,
They called another meeting and decided on a fix,
The answer was simple, "We'll work him sixty-six",
Tired that is ... Stressed Out ... No social life;

Months turned into years and his hair was turning gray,
Jed worked hard while his life slipped away,
Waiting to retire when he turned sixty-four,
Instead he got a call and they escorted him out the door,
Laid-off that is ... Debriefed ... Unemployed.

Mechanical Humor

A penguin was driving through the desert when her car broke down. She waddled to the nearest phone to call AAA. Her car was quickly towed to the nearest garage where the mechanic told her he would need a couple of hours to check things out. The penguin, being a good natured bird, didn't complain, and then wandered off to find the closest supermarket. She proceeded to the frozen foods section and hung out near the fish sticks. After a while she got into the freezer, next to the vanilla ice cream, and ate several gallons. Then she noticed the time and headed back to the garage, covered with ice cream. The mechanic walked over to her, wiping his hands and shaking his head, and said, "It looks like you blew a seal." Blushing, the penguin replied, "Oh no! It's just ice cream."

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer are in a car that breaks down.
The mechanical engineer says: ''Maybe is's a stuck valve''.
The electical engineer says: ''Maybe it's a dead battery''.
The software engineer says: ''I know. Let's all get out and get back in again, and see if that fixes it'

Rules of the lab

1. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
2. Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way each time.
3. First draw your curves, then plot your data.
4. Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
5. A record of data is essential, it shows you were working.
6. To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
7. To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
8. If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.
9. If that doesn't work, start at both ends and try to find a common middle.
10. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
11. Do not believe in miracles---rely on them.
12. Team work is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.
13. All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.
14. Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it. (Law of Spontaneous Fission)