A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "you must be in management."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
A Microsoft programmer died and he had to decide where he wanted to go Heaven or Hell. He was taken to both the places before getting a chance to select either. An angel took him to a place with a sunny beach, hot bikini girls, volleyball, and rock & roll, where everyone was having a wild time. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "Heaven is great!" "Wrong," said the angel. "That was Hell. Want to see Heaven?" "Sure!" So the angel took him to another place. There, a bunch of people were sitting in a park, playing bingo and feeding dead pigeons. "This is Heaven?" asked the Windows programmer. "Yup," said the angel. "Then I'll take Hell." He was thrown in the hell. He saw himself plunged up to his neck in red-hot guano, with the ghosts of the damned in torment around him. He cried, "Its cheating, where are the babes? The beach? The Jazz? The volleyball?" The angel said, "That was the demo version!"
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked the hot-shot young Engineer, fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The engineer cooly said, "In the neighborhood of $155,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - for starters, say, a new Corvette?" The engineer tried to control his excitement, but sat straight up and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" "Yeah," the interviewer shrugged, "But you started it."
Laws of software
Law 1: Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.
Law 2: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.
Law 3: For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.
Law 4 : Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant!